So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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