Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
