foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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