People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
