Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
