i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
