she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
