I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
