i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
