my mouth tastes like poor choices
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My life is pants optional.
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