I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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