we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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