That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
