All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
