none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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