it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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