Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
