Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The adults are the big ones right?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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