I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
