Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
