I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
