Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
