wrigley field is MILF paradise
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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