Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
