She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
