Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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