My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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