Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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