She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
