Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
