I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
