Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize