quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
