my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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