Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
