thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
