fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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