Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
