He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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