It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
