I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
