thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
