He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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