I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
