I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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