just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
being pregnant is like rehab
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
