Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
