and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
