you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
