I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
