So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
