Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just cropdusted the office
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
