This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
