my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
