he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
