Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
