When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
