the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
