i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
