my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
