Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
