in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
