Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
