no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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