Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
