is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize