i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
