waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just high enough for therapy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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