I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
